I need to go back 10 years to answer that. A few years prior I had moved to the Big Island of Hawaii, gotten married on the beach, opened a yoga studio in town-which was immediately successful. I had the energy and stamina to almost live up to the insane expectations I placed on myself as a yogi and a teacher. Then I got pregnant. And the list of expectations I had for myself grew (in length and craziness).
My new baby never stopped crying, my husband and mom were in business together and fighting a lot, which often led to my husband and I fighting and my mom and I fighting. Sometimes I blamed myself. Other times I blamed one of them. Which didn’t feel any better. Blame sucks.
Believing you should be a level of perfect that you aren’t is not fun.
And believing the people you love are the source of your problems is far from a dream come true as well.
I was loosing the steam and stamina it took live up to my own expectations, I could not manipulate the people I loved into being who I thought they should be (try as I might), my baby was still crying and felt like I was failing. It was all too much.
Then I had an insight that led to a deeply profound peace. Which was soon muffled by the screaming baby and the crazy monkeys in my own head. Thankfully, peace came again to save me. But it also left again.
It was in the midst of one breakdown moment where I was questioning the effectiveness of everything I had been sharing and teaching for years, (I had just said to myself “All this yoga and meditation and personal growth stuff is total and complete crap! It doesn’t actually help!”) when I realized I hadn’t actually been doing any of that stuff. For a while.
I wasn’t doing what nurtured me. Grounded me. Made everything okay. I wasn’t asking the questions that kept me sane and honest and clear. Instead, I was sinking.
That was my proof. What I teach does work. When you do it.
You have to keep attending, remembering and showing up for yourself at the level of the soul. You have to keep asking the questions (those powerful questions that change everything, yes I share them with you in all of my courses and 1 on 1 work.) And when I started doing all that again, life was good again. Or rather, life was very much the same, and the same life felt good and easy and right instead of overwhelming, depressing and wrong.
There isn’t a miracle fix, where you do something once and then everything’s better forever. But there are things that, if you do a little bit everyday, make a giant difference in how quick you are to react, how much you feel like complaining, how patient you are with your family, and how enough you feel as yourself.
Here’s where I live now:
I am proud of my life and myself. Sometimes I get too busy and life gets messy. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I wish Sunday would last forever. But on most Mondays I remember that I have chosen this life. Every minute of it. I find it pretty easy to hear my highest self clearly… and that voice reminds me to eat three meals per day, take vacations, sit for meditation, breathe deeply, and read with my daughter. It also reminds me that I want to deal with my taxes, I want to clean the house, I want to get my oil changed. Seriously. The truth is I don’t have to do any of it. The truth is…that’s the kind of person I want to be: productive, capable, nourished, inspired. Basically…living in balance.
And that’s what I want to share with you.
If you’re ready to embrace real life with love- to feel deeply satisfied by your relationships, the way you spend your time, the life lessons you’re called to experience…
Request to work with me 1 on 1
***I only take 5 private clients at a time so space is limited and your wholehearted commitment is required.