This is what it’s like to seek external approval. I know it hurts. It may be a pain you choose to get used to. Lots of little girls grow up to be women who seek approval. Your own mom can surely relate. It happens for boys too, you know. But you do have the choice to stop. If she doesn’t want to be your friend, you have the choice to move on, wish her well, and find a friend who respects you. If you make that choice now, you’ll get really good at it. You’ll learn that the only approval you really need is your own. You’ll feel so proud of yourself for requiring kindness from those you call friends, and it will be the kind of pride that fills you up even more than the best friend you ever had.
But, sweet girl, it’s your choice. And if you choose to keep seeking externally, you’ll learn from that too. You’ll learn the futility of it and the heartbreak of it. And because you are always learning and growing, this too will serve you. (Tweet this) It will give you wisdom, strength and compassion. You may not care about those things now, but you will someday. Someday you’ll care more about wisdom, strength and compassion than you care about the way you look in those leggings; more than you care about being included and not being made fun of. –Even more than you care about your Kindle Fire. And you will be grateful for all the lessons that showed you what it’s like to seek external approval and inspired you to finally start looking within. Because what you find within will be worth every lesson that brought you there.
You get to choose.
But don’t worry. You cannot make a wrong decision here. Life unfolds exactly as it should. You will make the choice that serves you best.
I love you, Sweet Girl.
Love Always, Your Highest Self
To Her Mother,
It’s okay if her heart breaks. She can handle it and so can you. In fact, she can probably handle it better than you, don’t you think? You see how she bounces right back, how she has the confidence to shake it off, and the willingness to go through it again?
Plus, this could be a really good thing. What if she learns she’d rather have friends that treat her well? If she learns that now at the age of eight and a half, she’s not likely to sell herself short or pretend to be someone she’s not to impress a boy when she’s a teenager. She’s not likely to end up in abusive relationships as an adult, when it could be much more volatile.
But keep in mind; she may not learn all that right now. She may need more time. She may need her heart to be broken many times, and you have to let that be okay. When she was in your belly, you asked for her to be a kind and loving human being. Well, she is. And she’ll stay that way, whatever it takes. You don’t need to fix her or her situation. Don’t shame her like that. Just love her and show her how it feels to be unconditionally loved so she can always have that to compare to. Trust her. And trust yourself. She can handle it and so can you. And the process will open you both up more than you can imagine.
Take a deep breath and a cue from her: have the confidence to shake it off and the willingness to go through it again.
Your Highest Self